I Want to Laugh

I’m having (minor) surgery on Friday and I’ll be honest… it’s unexpected (I just found out on Thursday) and I’m a little sad about the whole situation.  I’ve had issue with my front two teeth for about 20 years and unfortunately things are going wrong again.  I plan to do whole big book of a post about it all one day and I’ll go into more detail then.  But for now suffice it to say I’m having a small exploratory surgery on Friday and I’m a whole big bundle of emotions.

I’m fearful because I hate being put under.  I’ve had a number of surgeries on my jaw and mouth the past 20 years plus two c-sections and unfortunately my anxiety has gotten worse over time.  I lay back under the lights and I just try to calm myself down until the anesthesia kicks in and I’m finally out.

In February I had a bone graft done where they moved bone from one area of my jaw to another and the recovery was rather painful.  But honestly I can deal with a painful recovery but we honestly don’t know if things will work.  My body just doesn’t seem to be doing what it should and it’s hard to have hope.  Working through a tough recovery is just all that much harder when you just feel like you might be going through it all for nothing.  That in the end, after all the pain and worry that things might not be fixed.

I think that’s the part that has me down more than anything.  I honestly feel like everything keeps going wrong and will keep going wrong.

But…

I’m trying not to let my self be pulled down by the worry, the fear, and the depression.  I’m trying to hold onto the hope that things might still be OK.  I am trying to stay present in today and not let tomorrow’s worries take my joy away.

I was flipping through my Instagram feed and say this post from Becky Strahle (@farmgirlpaints):

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Becky Strahle (@farmgirlpaints)

I’ve been turning the verse over and over in my mind since.  I want to laugh.  I want to laugh without fear of the future.

I made myself a little sign to print out so I can look at it all this week and remind myself.  I’m probably gonna order one of those cuffs from Becky too when she re-opens her shop in October 🙂

Are you feeling overwhelmed or fearful?  Leave me a comment or email me and I’ll pray for you this week.